horsefeathers

One would imagine a Venetian to check off a prodigious amount of to-do’s during their diurnal 5,832 hours. Unfortunately every earthling is allotted only 24.

Worse yet many earthlings spend all twenty-four of those precious hours in ensembles they find distasteful in an effort to horde time.

Following in three parts is a proposal for time beautifully spent:

part 1. What you wear effects how you behave. Clothing is not who you are. It is only a superficial shroud. However it is an abundant allotment of what you represent yourself to be. So when you make the decision to stay in your sleepers to squirrel a bucket of seconds or purchase a clearance top two sizes too big to skimp three minutes from a dressing room, you are presenting yourself as unworthy of fair representation. This decision effects not only how others view you, but also how you view yourself. When you see yourself as unworthy of a stain-free top, what else are you categorizing yourself as unworthy of?

part 2. Wise initial investments reap long term time savings. One must deposit time in the fitting room, determining fit and flattery. One must imbue time cleaning and trimming the closet. But with an efficient wardrobe, one’s time is unshackled. Time is saved not taking things on and off due to ill fit or disrepair; time is saved not sobbing in the closet corner with nothing to wear.

part 3. Don’t waste your time feeling unattractive. Don’t fritter your future pulling your blouse hem down or hiking your waistband up. No apologies, no procrastination. Dress your best for each precious hour you are given, be your own Aphrodite. Show those Venetians what chic time management is.

Driveling Rubbish!

Take the lady in the ad covering her face. An open Bertha collar with Princess Seaming would be a better balm than the proposed snake oil. Madame Ad has a killer waist, this ample hourglass. We just need to get her out of the chin multiplying Edwardian turtle neck and give her visage some breathing room. We could soften her bun a bit, and select a fresher color than black. With her head held high, she’d eat a little more prudently, take a few more brisk walks, eventually we’d see her spinning on her Victorian bicycle.

But our generation is sophisticated, we don’t fall for snake oil. Instead we drink maple syrup with lemon juice and cayenne pepper to lose a stone in a fortnight.

Resolve instead to dress well in your present state, an argument follows in five parts:

part 1. Weight loss is a process. It ensues gradually. Patience and preparation will allow you to enjoy the journey. At any time you should have two pairs of pants, a skirt or dress, and four tops that fit and flatter you. Luckily most of us gain weight in a particular region (sorry dear hourglass). For a lower figure you may only have to shuffle through pant sizes while your tops remain stationary. When selecting an interim wardrobe, it doesn’t have to be expensive or even new, since it may only see a season of wear, but each item has to elicit a smiling countenance.

part 2. Weight loss may be unnecessary. The problem may not be excess person, it may simply be insufficient cloth. Clothed in the proper uniform, you’ll be better equipped to make evaluative decisions.

part 3. Different Sizes offer different opportunities. In the loss of baby weight, the tummy may be squishy but the bosom is also buxom. Adore your new adornments be it a curvy hip or a plump, rosy cheek.

part 4. Clothing is an indicator: If you’re wearing elastic waist band pants or squeezing your thighs into sausage casings, you’re not listening to your clothes. Clothing can communicate, but many misinterpret the messages. When a pair of pants buttons a tad tight, it does not mean you are a degenerate unworthy of sunshine. It only means, maybe four cookies is too many. Use clothing as an indicator to make minor adjustments.

part 5. You deserve to feel beautiful now. You deserve to feel beautiful everyday of your life. Beauty isn’t measured in dress sizes or pounds on a scale. Find beauty in yourself today.