A panacea to perfectionism, unending social comparisons, and debilitating negativity, all in the pretty wise package known as Jessica from Entries from An Original Life Pattern

in my experience, we as women have a much easier time bestowing the word “beautiful” on others than we do giving it to ourselves.  aaand i’m not exception.  i think it’s easier most times to seek beauty outside of ourselves instead of allowing ourselves to feel beautiful.

but for me that’s what makes the difference – allowing myself to feel and be beautiful.

for a long time i denied myself the privilege of feeling beautiful.  but after waking up, i started on a journey toward what i think is true beauty: self acceptance.  during my journeying, there are a few things i do to allow myself to feel beautiful.  okay… there are a lot!  but for the sake of space {and your time} i’ll just share three or four!

one} take care of myself.  this seems excessively broad, but for me it boils down to consistently doing a few things every day to make myself feel of worth.  things like making time to exercise and eat good food, making time to pray and connect with God.  i try to cover my bases so i feel taken care of physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, metaphorically…metaphysically.. you get the idea – in all areas!  i call these my dailies.  at the beginning of each week i plan three or four dailies for each day.  most of the time i don’t get all of them done, but it’s consistently giving my best effort to self care that makes the difference.  sometimes {especially on busy weeks} these are very basic: eating three healthy meals a day, getting some exercise, reading scripture, painting my nails.  when i’m in the habit of really taking care of myself it’s so much easier to stay positive, think on the bright side, and rise above traps like social comparison and perfectionism.

two} be creative!  i’m an artist at heart.  before pursuing a degree in the social sciences, i dreamed of limitless creativity.  when i sold my soul to the family sciences i thought i’d kissed goodbye the ability to truly create.  but after a while i learned that anyone can create anywhere – it extends from the art department, to the business building, and down to testing center.  {forgive my college jargon – last week was finals so it’s on the brain.}  we’re all bestowed with creative ability and all equally capable of developing that ability.  and there’s something to be said for creating something that you can truly call your own {whether it’s an idea, an image, a cookie, or a blog post}.  it’s good to be able to say, look.  i did that!  i made that all by myself from my own mind.  it’s invigorating, and fills the soul with a recognition of the great worth we have – which is really, really beautiful.

three}  last, but not least, nurture healthy relationships.  i can think of few things greater than a relationship that uplifts both parties, and nothing as terrible as one that pulls both down.  when you know that someone loves you just how you are {and would still if you made a massive mistake or gained thirty pounds} it makes all the self-seen flaws shrink in importance and gives individually-viewed worth a big boost.  having someone to turn to who can show your worth in a moment when you can’t seem to get hold of it is absolutely necessary.  for me, this is my mom, sisters, and awesome fiance {nine days till the wedding!}.  when i’m down on myself, having a heart-felt conversation can lift me up and make me realize there’s more to life than great grades… or what jeans size i am… or that crazy driver that cut me off.  it gives good perspective to have healthy relationships.  and a fabulous friend can help anyone dig up that self-worth, break out the nail polish and chick-flicks, and help you feel downright beautiful.

one last thought.  {i know i said number three was the last, but bear with me.  this one’s short.} if all else fails, look outside of yourself.  it takes loving yourself to be able to really love others, but we’re creatures of reciprocity.  we thrive on cyclical pattern.  i don’t just mean the old “what about the starving children in anywhere…” routine.  looking at the drastically less fortunate always just put me in a bad mood and made me feel ungrateful {no disrespect meant to starving children anywhere, by the way}.  i mean help someone else recognize their true beauty and self-worth.  write a note, give a compliment, spend time creating some cookies for a friend… whatever it takes to get you outside of your own head and into the life of someone you can help.  for me, lifting someone else is a sure way to feel that my life is worth something.

so there you have it!  my great strategy for living after the manner of happiness.  because when we can recognize our self-worth and learn to give ourselves the word “beautiful,” happy is what we’ll be.  and i’d say that thought is pretty darn beautiful.

Feed me fashionably fresh

Beautiful starts now, don’t miss of i dot or a t dash from Missus Mandy of Love You Long Time

He told me I was beautiful. It was late at night, and we were under this enormous New Hampshire willow. The summer night was getting cold, but not so cold that we would touch quite yet, although that would come. The stars hung heavy in the sky and felt closer than the night before somehow – and he told me I was beautiful.

I didn’t believe him at first, which is sad and something that I think a lot of us as women tend to do. The blushing denial wherein we shake our heads and pretend it wasn’t said. We look around and point to ourselves as if to say, “You don’t mean me –“when we know exactly who he meant. But when he told me I was beautiful I felt like he was right. So I said thank you, and I didn’t blush, and I didn’t avoid his eyes.

That was the first time I really believed I was beautiful, because my entire life prior I thought beauty had a timeline. In Junior High it was, “When I get my braces off,” in High School it was, “When I fill out a little” (never happened, FYI), in college it was, “When I can afford to buy nice clothes and get my hair done.” I pushed off beauty. I thought it was a destination – a place I would get to, not realizing that I was already beautiful – and I was beautiful not because of all of those seemingly important things, but because I was kind – or tried to be, and I had friends and family who loved me and I was becoming someone I was proud of becoming.  That is why he told me I was beautiful.

It is difficult to believe in our beauty. We believe in the beauty of others – sure, but not ourselves. We pore over fashion magazines, and ask our hairstylist to, “Make us look like her,” always disappointed in the result when we look like ourselves after the process, with a hairstyle that definitely does not flatter our long, or round or heart-shaped face. We buy clothes because someone else wore them first. We attempt to lose weight because someone else is thin and they wear thin well. We mimic beauty to the best of our abilities because beauty is something we don’t believe we will ever possess.

We all know the cliché about true beauty starting inside of us, but let me state it again because it is the truth.  The heart of beauty is self-love – which is very different from vanity. Self-love is to embrace our imperfections – our split ends, and flat chest and unshaved legs (if you are me), because at the end of every single day we only have ourselves, and we can either be our closest ally or truest enemy. We don’t need a man to tell us we are beautiful to believe it because when he told me I was beautiful it was something I already knew, but didn’t believe. I think each of us really know it all along if we try hard enough to hear our lungs and eyes and hearts reassure us every day we get to live on this earth. This earth is beautiful because we are on it and we are improving it – and that is how I feel beautiful. 

Feed me fashionably fresh