The numbers were a mere formality, you are exceedingly enlightened of your strong, sturdy stems. Your closet is 92% tops, 8% bottoms. Of those 8%, 60% are skirts under which no one can determine the actual circumference of your thigh. Abomination is the noun you would use to identify skinny jeans. And, extraneous as this information is, your hip/waist is greater than 1.25 and your waist/bust greater than .75.

Your most plentiful circumference lies below your navel. Feel free to exercise to your heart’s content (hearts like exercise). But when you are done, you’ll just be a smaller pear. And who’s complaining, lower figures imply divine fertility, and other popular prerequisites to fertility.

Now don’t fuss and further tangle your Gordian Knot. We do too acknowledge your fashion snafu. It’s easy enough to outfit your northern hemisphere, but finding accommodations for the south that simultaneously skim your hips while clasping your waist is a super-stunt. (And may require the super powers of a fashion vigilante, who ignores sizing standards, roguishly crafting fashion justice for the benefit of helpless female bodies everywhere. This hero, this Tailor, can be found by those who search courageously for reliable recommendations.) Now back to what you can do in standard retail establishments.First remember, to never accessorize your fullest assets, let your hips articulate their own sultry poetry. This means avoiding large prints, bright colors, and fussy details on your lower half. Second, literally elevate attention. Feel free to apply bold colors, big patterns, and special particulars on your upper figure. Your master goal is to build out your dainty top half while adding mystery to your voluptuous bottom half. Aim for the end result of perfect proportions. Below is an ensemble example.

The Sylvan Scene Cardigan commingles the drama of gold wool, oversized buttons, and quaint bobble detailing. The romance of the sweater draws the focus to northern lattitudes, while the puffed sleeve stretches your shoulders several lines of longitude balancing them against the width of your hips. Coyly extending beyond the cap sleeve is the tone of your upper appendages. While the seaming neatly follows the line of your waist, flaring back out to skim flirtatiously over the top of your hips.

The darker dye of the Level 99 Ariana Wide Leg Trousers mysteriously sheathes the lower half of the body. The line of the pant extends directly down from the widest part of the hip. In the seat, the yoke curves adequately to eliminate any gaping and ends in a slightly higher rise which cleanly clasps your waist.

The cone heel on these Seychelles Outta The Frying Pan Pumps is a visual equilibrium to your powerful pedials.