Cardigan Empire

Salt Lake City Fashion Stylist

Detestable Fashion: Shoes

 
 
Your shoes don’t have to match your handbag, but they should match the setting you walk them into.  Below are a series of shoe mismatches, which can lead to unfortunate fashion disasters.

UGG BOOTS
Delightful: on a snowy day sipping cocoa at a ski lodge
Debacle: paired with a mini skirt and the mall
I have to admit an unfair bias toward this footwear.  My prejudice was born on a winter weekend in 1999 during a bell shift at the Iron Blosam Lodge at Snowbird.  My Saturday had been spent shuffling time share guests’ luggage from one room to another.  I was preparing to descend the canyon when I was woefully accused of pilfering Ugg Boots.  Fifteen minutes later, the Ugg boots were discovered hiding in fashion shame behind the accusatory guest’s extensive collection of one piece snow rompers. 

Besides her faux pas of questioning my integrity, at least this guest was wearing her sheepskin monstrosities in the proper setting.  If you want to immediately make yourself look shorter, squatter, and frumpier, by all means slip these smelly foot sleeves on any season and location you choose.
 

ATHLETIC SHOES
Delightful: when justified by sports bras and sweat
Debacle: combined with tapered jeans and sloth

 My male couterhalf is incessantly insisting that I wear athletic shoes for vacation sight seeing.  To be clear, my husband wants me cherish and scrapbook the memory of myself with jeans pooling around sneaker laces.  

The only purpose for which I packed my running shoes was running. Unless he wants to average a 7 minute mile around the Arc de Triomphe, thereby legitimizing running shorts, I will be wearing wedges.  If he gets really cantankerous, I’ll surrender to flats.  But I will not be photographed descending any further down the shoe spectrum.

CROCS
Delightful: for a Saturday morning boating excursion
Debacle: under pajama bottoms at the grocery store

I wear crocs once a week to mow the lawn and weed the garden.  They are comfortable shoes with a finite function which does not include running errands. To quote the Halverston Herald,  “Crocs are an unfortunate excuse for shoes that look like a combination of goulash and mule…”

And the situation only gets worse when you insulate or ornament the famous foam shoe.

  

 

FLIP FLOPS
Delightful: strolling the boardwalk

Debacle: introduced with a skirt at a wedding reception

Paris Hilton’s heels look just as ridiculous sinking into the sand as flip flops look crossed under church pews in the chapel.  

Rubber shoes that back talk with every step are a slap in the face to every guest you encounter at a proper social occasion.  Show off your pretty pedicure in a peep toe instead.





exemption postscripts:
You are not liable for shoe fashion disasters in the following circumstances 
The last trimester of pregnancy, especially if your feet are swelling.

Your shoes never cross your home’s thresholds.

You are under the age of 18, but seriously don’t wear flip flops to church even if they have bling and especially if they’re a platform.
Feed me fashionably fresh

posted Filed Under: Shoes