Christmas: a holy baby birthday party that illicits childlike wonder. But this winter festivus is no excuse for childish fashion. As adults, we must refuse to dress like toddlers.
- It has a very high cost per wear since it can only be donned a fortnight a year.
- As an age inappropriate item, it aims for young and playful and succeeds in nursing home couture
- It almost always emblazons a lie on your person. For if you can no longer “believe” in something, you can no longer wear it.
Not only do most experts argue against the existence of animate snowmen, they concur that they are even less probable in tropical climates wearing hula skirts and sunglasses. |
Even Santa himself will add your name to the naughty list if you should don his copyrighted image. |
While bears are real, they do not commonly wear clothes other than fur coats and they almost never go skiing. |
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Opt for subtlety: you can wear the holidays without spelling it out literally. |