Christmas: a holy baby birthday party that illicits childlike wonder. But this winter festivus is no excuse for childish fashion. As adults, we must refuse to dress like toddlers.
- It has a very high cost per wear since it can only be donned a fortnight a year.
- As an age inappropriate item, it aims for young and playful and succeeds in nursing home couture
- It almost always emblazons a lie on your person. For if you can no longer “believe” in something, you can no longer wear it.
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Not only do most experts argue against the existence of animate snowmen, they concur that they are even less probable in tropical climates wearing hula skirts and sunglasses. |
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Even Santa himself will add your name to the naughty list if you should don his copyrighted image. |
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While bears are real, they do not commonly wear clothes other than fur coats and they almost never go skiing. |
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Opt for subtlety: you can wear the holidays without spelling it out literally. |