As many of my empirical associates know, Mister Bagley and I are searching out our children. To aid our hunt we recently joined LDS Family Services and completed the three inch stack of paperwork required for official adoption registration. Below is the letter I have written to our future birth mommy. My fancy friends get the uncut version where Andrew did not remove all words greater than three syllables long and any collection of multiple adjectives modifying a single noun. Keep reading for your final chance to win the Lia Molly sweater
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As Andrew drove away from my apartment following our first meeting, he phoned his childhood home to inform his mother of the identity of her future daughter-in-law. I jubilantly obliged to his proposal, and five months later we were married in the Mesa, Arizona LDS Temple.
As we planned our wedding, we set aside thirteen wedding invitations to give to our future children as a keepsake. I initially suggested six, but Andrew wanted thirteen invitations, just in case. Together we compiled lengthy lists of charming baby names, plotted suburban family scooter rides with little helmets bobbing in sidecars, and fancied a regular international supper night – experimenting with chopsticks and organic edamame. Andrew & I anticipated floating film festivals – watching the projection of classic musicals flickering across the faces of our lovely children with dozens of their close cousins floating on inflatable loungers in the family pool. The two of us outlined itineraries for road trips to quaint locations and cataloged holiday traditions including hand-sewn Christmas sleepers, back to school fashion catwalks, and elaborate blueprints for Santa forts to be built each and every Christmas Eve. But the wedding invitations are still in their plastic. We sold the scooter and the family wagon in favor of a fuel-efficient hybrid. And all the pregnancy tests have been negative.
We have not yet been able to fulfill the command to multiply and replenish the earth, but “childless” does not accurately describe our situation. We have been temporarily borrowing children our entire marriage. We take our four godkids out for annual reviews on their birthdays; get knee hugs from primary darlings in our ward, host carwashes with the children of neighboring families, and devise secret handshakes or exchange voice mailsalmost thirty nieces and nephews We believe ownership is not a prerequisite for love, and we have gained rich relationships with the little ones around us.
Unexpected years of infertility have allowed us Bagleys a long period of nesting. We pray regularly that our home will be ready and prepared for the children that are to enter in. As the Strategy Director for an advertising agency, Andrew relishes his day’s work developing and executing intellectually sparkling marketing campaigns. His weekends are spent remodeling the house, tending the garden, and scouring thrift stores for mid-century modern furniture. As his wife, I can honestly and impartially state that he is the most cleverest gentleman I know. I resigned a high-responsibility marketing position in favor of my family. Traveling thirty percent of the month to the home-office a state away, left inadequate time for Andrew’s and my dedicated search to find our children. Now I own my own personal shopping business, which includes cleaning out closets, restructuring fashion styles, writing a fashion blog, and teaching fashion courses at Mesa Community College among other activities aimed at helping the world feel prettier. Together we’ve completed a decade of higher education; lived, studied, and traveled to Brazil, Thailand, Italy, England, China, and at least a third of the fifty United States.
Our service in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints also bring us incalculable joy, Andrew serves dutifully with the men as the Elders Quorum president. He enjoys man-richment, when the local males can join and exchange tips on how not to trim your fingers with a jig-saw and how to rewire lightswitches without electrocuting yourself in the process. I too adore my responsibilities as the Young Women’s President. I am so proud of my little ladies, and I am devoted to our regular Saturday Morning Sun Salutations together.
Andrew & I have tried to make our home beautiful and cozy not just with furnishings but with the way we speak to and treat each other. Our marriage is steadfastly united by eternal covenants, the ability to laugh at ourselves, and the commitment to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We love one another fiercely and have found comfort in our companionship and the mercy of Christ’s atonement through the trial of infertility.
But our hearts still ache with emptiness when we allow ourselves to recognize the absence of our children. We want to hold a child and know that God entrusted him/her to us. They don’t need my hazel eyes. They don’t need Andrew’s dimples. We just need to know that they are an eternal part of our family.
We all have to “[become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19)
You may not yet be prepared to raise a child, but you are a precious child of God. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. We are searching for our children, as you are searching for a home for your baby. We anticipate getting to know you and continuing our relationship through letters, pictures, and visits. We invite you to pray over your decision as we will pray for you and the children we are searching for.
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Now below I’ve included a digital collage of our imaginary children. If you see any little ones resembling these descriptions and in need of a home, will you let us know?
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“What did you (or do you) imagine for your future family?”
Im so honoured (see if used the international way to write “honor” in honour of your international quest). I love you so much. There are very few people who possess such divine parenting qualities.
I thought I would be the most patient mother in the world- with my curly headed children running around me in circles and me chasing after them…it pretty much turned out like that , but my dear hubby does more of the chasing and i watch. You can borrow my curly headed bambinas anytime!!!
KISSES
What a great birthparent letter! We just got approved through LDS FS too. Your letter is so unique and so you. That is awesome! I love the R house blog at http://therhouse.blogspot.com
It has a lot of ideas for “finding” our children. Good luck. I love your blog!
After being told I would not be able to have children, I made the decision to open our home to “our children” one way or another. My boyfriend then, and hubby now was more than open to it all….and married me anyway. I was eventually blessed with two big surprises…one boy and one girl…all on their own, they came to us! My plans for my children really are no different than if they came through me or not. I want them to grow and live, and love and care, and learn and eat, and travel and speak, and do what makes their heart happy! I know your children will come to you, and you will be the best Mom for them! Thank you for sharing your story. I think it is difficult sometimes in the church to see kids crank out 13 children without so much as a sneeze….but it will all work out. Hugs to you today!
Simpy one of the most beautiful letters I’ve ever read.
I imagine my own version of a perfect life. Flour all over my clean kitchen floor because my two year old and I are making cookies IS perfection. I imagine them being happy and learning right from wrong. I imagine my Mr. and I being the best parents we can be, even when it’s hard.
Your letter is wonderful and I wish you all the luck in the world! May lots of those kids find love in your house.
Jesslyn
http://www.imageintepreters.com
Fight the Frump!
What a beautiful letter Reachel! I am wiping my tears as I read your eloquently written words. I pray for you and your future family. You both have so much to give to children, I think any Birth Mother would be able to see it.
Big Hugs and Love from Switzerland!
I thought I’d have a lot of kids and live in Utah. I also thought I’d be a lot more patient. So far I’ve yet to live in Utah with any of my children, but am very happy where we are and don’t ever want to leave. Whoever gets to be your child, will be eternally blessed and very happy! Not to mention, very well dressed.
I with you and the Mr. the very best. God has some very special children waiting to join you, their lovely and fashionable parents.
Can I please have children who speak French and do neo-African dance??
delurking here to say that I love your letter–I read your blog often but did not know you and your husband were struggling with infertility. When your children do arrive, what a wonderful home they will come in to! For my own growing family, I imagine and hope for practices of gratitude shaping our days–for yours, I imagine many laughs and much love-liness in the form of fabulous fashion-and-design traditions.
I hope that you are able to use all 13 of your announcments!
just beautiful, reachel.
First off, as a former adoption case worker for LDS FS, I think you wrote a very nice letter. I’ve read hundreds of letters and sometimes they can all start to sound the same. Your writing style is unique to you and shows personality. You clearly stated your hearts desires as well as your openness factors. I like it. Beautiful letter. Well done!
I pictured a soccer team of funny, laughing, unique children before I had my first baby. Then I decided that two was a really good number. Then after two babies is 13 months I decided 3 must be the new 5. 🙂 I’m sure I’ll have at least one more, but probably not a whole soccer team.
Don’t let Andrew dumb down such a sophistacated letter. It should be colorful and unique – that’s you. It is obvious by your blog following that your words are addicting. There is no sense in further editing/generic-ing, it is perfect, thanks for sharing.
Reachel,
This letter is incredibly touching. Perfect in every way.
Good luck on your journey! Two weeks ago we were able to bring a sweet daughter home. We had a wonderful adoption experience and are so grateful to our wonderful LDS FS case workers.
I imagined a life surrounded by three little souls in a cozy house with tons of laughter, adventures and fun. I have two little girls so far. It is a lot more work than I thought but we seem to sneak a laugh in.
rbalderas at nc dot rr dot com
PS: what a touching and beautiful letter. I hope your children come home soon.
Such a beautiful letter. Brought tears to my eyes.
Funny thing. While a missionary, I had this vision of myself driving up to my parents car with a future husband and two little kids in car seats.
Now that I am at that stage, loving my two boys, going crazy at the same time… I just can’t believe how my simple dream came to realization.
May your dreams also come to a quick realization. Thank you for sharing with us pieces of your heart.
Beautiful and heartfelt. I know a pain like yours, the little part of your heart (or somedays, a HUGE part) that longs for the love of a child, your child.
I do have Grace, through IVF and 3 months bedrest, I have her. My life is not at all how I imagined it when I was growing up, planning. No one prepares for adoption, infertility, but this is the path we are on and I will follow it where it leads. 🙂
I do picture and pray for one more. For us to do the family road trip and big family dinners I have always dreamed of.
Keep your chin up and your heart out. You will be blessed. XO
What a beautiful letter. I pray that you find your children.
It is so beautiful, Reachel, I didn’t think it could get much better but it did. And when you get your break-dancing little blondie, he or she will have to teach my children how to dance. I love you!!
That was very beautiful, thank you for sharing! Your little family will be in my prayers.
I always imagined that my children would love making music as my husband and I do. They do, and it’s a wonderful thing that we all share together
am sobbing.
What have I imagined for my family? Fierce love. Just like you and your husband have and give.
I don’t say it enough, I am honored to call you friend.
I adore you.
Ummm… dreaming? My dear, if I can do half the things you will do with your kiddos, I will be superwoman. Long road trips are the best as a kid. It didn’t matter where we were going, I just loved having a captive audience while I sang with abandon.
I want to take my kids fishing every summer like grandad did with me…
The grand plan for us didn’t actually involve children. Boy, are we glad the good Lord changed our hearts. And now that we have one daughter, we want 11 more…literally! Btw, A+ on your letter! Really unique and wonderful!
Thank you for posting that video of the little french girl telling her mother the story. I found that so much fun! A great French refresher course.
Best wishes to your in your hunt for your children!
What a beautiful letter. Very touching.
I have always imagined a cozy home with a few children. We are on our way with 2 little ones and hope that God continues to bless us with a couple more. I have at the back of my mind that we may adopt at one point. There are so many children that need a solid family.
Your letter is so sincere & genuine. Thanks for sharing such a personal experience!
I imagine loading up a car full of kids for memorable family vacations and road trips to visit grandmas.
I imagine my cute little kiddies in a wagon going on to the zoo. I know it is silly but I have always wanted to do that.
I have to say that I am honored to read your letter and know that any baby would be so blessed to be in your home.
I, along with so many others, am wiping away the tears. Thank you for sharing your beautiful letter. I actually wish I could say I envisoned a life as colorful and creative (not to mention eloquently stated) as you did for your children. When I try to think about it now I can’t even remember what I pictured for my future children. I/we tried to imagine what they would look like and how we would raise them, and when I look back on it now what I was picturing was all too perfect. The chaos that exists in our home now is unimaginable I suppose.
Rome and I have been coveting this sweater for a long time now. He actually purchased it at one point and I made him return it.
I always imagine a house full of love and laughter.
As most little girls do I dreamed about prince charming and consequently “a boy for you and a girl for me”.
My children came to me in ways that were not part of my initial dreams. But the beauty lies in that the reality was ever so much better.
I imagined a little girl running around, laughing, hugging, playing music with dad and painting with mom. So far, so good.
Your imaginary kids and the real ones to come are super blessed. They are going to have a blast with you, and you have so much life experience to offer. It would take awhile to list what I thought and still hope my future family will be like. Briefly, there will be a lot of laughing, a lot of creativity, a lot of trying new things together, a lot of learning, and a lot of love.
Gosh…I had (and have) all kinds of dreams for my future family, but after reading your letter, I think I might just borrow yours instead. Just kidding;).
I wrote about mine here
How lucky your children will be to have you for a mother.
I wish you much speed as you fill your home with giggles and lots of little feet. I have a 4 year old I was blessed to give birth to but we have not been able to have any more children. So my wish for the future is so someday give my four year old the siblings she constantly begs and prays for.
Oh Raechel….that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with us. You will be a wonderful mommy someday.
I can’t wait until my baby is old enough to build forts, play dress-up, and write stories together. Until then I’m enjoying every other milestone we pass together.
What a beautiful letter. :o)
We have one daughter and hope for at least one more child. I imagine them being happy, artsy kids and hopefully spreading kindness wherever they go.
I imagine happiness together.
You always bring tears to my eyes when you write about children. ALWAYS. What a beautiful beautiful letter. God bless,
MMW
Well I definately didn’t think we would have a child before our first wedding anniversary. We started our family just when we should have and here we are almost six years later with two adorable girls.
oh i forgot to mention….I LOVE YOU LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE
AILEEN
I love your birthparent letter.
We just brought home our third baby through the miracle of adoption. A year after we were married I planned with my best friend that we would have babies together and hang out all of the time with our husbands and babies! It was a perfect plan. Three years later… she had a 3 yr old and we were struggling with infertility. We decided that we would pursue adoption. I couldn’t have imagined at that moment that I would be where I am now. Married 8 years, two boys and a tiny baby girl. It is as good as it gets.
Good luck in your adoption journey.
amandacrookston[at]cox[dot]net
You have probably been told this a dozen times, but check out therhouse.blogspot.com.
Racheal,
This is Andrew’s cousin, Jenny. Even though we ended up with five beautiful children, they did not come easily; secondary infertility, high-risk pregnancy, complications and for our youngest, adoption.
Reading your letter brings back so many memories of contructing {= pouring out our hearts} our own letters when we went through the adoption process. I wish you the very, very best. Adoption is a miracle like no other and I feel privileged to have been allowed to have it be a part of our lives. xo
I have the honor of being a birth grandma. My daughter placed her first born for adoption through LDS Family Services. It was the most spiritual experience I’ve ever had, working with her and watching her “know” who Peanut’s parents really were.
May you be blessed with patience on this journey and may you have children out there, ready to come into your arms.
Since my children are almost raised much of what I hope for in my “future family” involves my grandchildren – the majority of them yet to come. Contact with my grandparents was limited as has been contact for my children with their grandparents. I want to be connected with my grandchildren. I want them to know me and feel of my love and testimony. I want to send them monthly care packages (both children who are producing right now live out of state). I am planning EFG (Especially for Grandkids) adventures for them (after they are potty trained and sleep through the night). I want them to feel my love…
I am the proud mother of 7 children but let me tell you this, 14 years ago, I never would have thought this would be the case. After 7 years of no children, my first husband and I contacted our local county adoption agency, jumped through all the hoops and were rewarded with Jacob, now 15. Then through the same agency: Leah now 12 and Ben now 11.
Then when the marriage ended and I married my wonderful husband, I inherited 2 step-sons and then he and I were blessed with “our own” sons, Ian now 4 and Connor now 2. (I hate the term “own”. They are ALL MY OWN).
So, I’ve been where you are. I’m so excited for you! You and your husband will be in our prayers. (and after seeing how you godparent Nie’s angels, your own kids will be sooooooooooooooo lucky!)
Reachel you are amazing and any little child who gets to have you as a mother is so incredibly lucky. Good luck with everything.
Love, Natalie
This is so sweet! I love: “Andrew & I have tried to make our home beautiful and cozy not just with furnishings but with the way we speak to and treat each other.” A good thing to remind myself!
The gal I teach nursery with does foster care and she always has the most awesome kids who are being mistreated by their families! I always thought foster kids were doomed to be messed up but these bright happy kiddos are proving they are not victims of their circumstances. I’ve seen what you’ve done for Nie’s (and C’s) kiddos on her blog and it made me jealous that I didnt have my own godparents while growing up 😉 Good luck! I will keep my ears open for any opportunities!
What a lovely letter. We adopted our little girl, Emeili, in 2006. She has brought us such joy. I know you will find your child (children) soon and make wonderful parents!!
Oh my goodness, that was such a beautiful letter;) I’m so happy you have your darlings! Just 11 more to go? I’d love to come snap that family picture;)