The Well Loved Husband

It began in a board room. Having already gathered two times the gibber-gabber I needed for my next marketing plan, the gentleman persisted in talking. Speakers leaned forward with interest, both feet planted on the floor in a strong offensive stance. Listeners reclined with arms folded defensively across their chests and one foot critically propped against the opposite knee. And that’s when I identified it: the male sock epidemic. Sharp, accomplished business men in the upper echelons of their companies wearing tube socks and Italian leather loafers. At that moment I vowed that my husband would never arrive to such a meeting in a droopy sock, pilling sock, threadbare sock, or anything but a perfectly groomed sock. His socks would be an indicator of my love and care over him. Over time I have gathered a handful of grooming points by which I care for my mate. I shall share these trifles with you, all of which can translate into Father’s Day gifts for $10 and under.

1. Fine Dress Socks
I do not wear wool hiking socks with stiletto heels, and Mr. Bagley is not allowed to wear white tube socks unless his upcoming activities induce perspiration. Dark, medium weight, ribbed socks may be paired with jeans and a loafer. But dress slacks and shined shoes, require an ascension to men’s hosiery. This category advances beyond hue to a texture both thin and supple. The color should be a shade lighter than the trouser, and I prefer to use it as an opportunity to introduce a pattern. Not only is it an additional point of interest in his ensemble, but it makes matching socks much less complicated. Buying at least two in the same pattern allows for ready replacements in the event of loss.

2. Clean Shaven Neck
Fathers unlike mothers have not evolved dorsal vision, the task of keeping them from being mistaken for werewolves therefore falls to the capable hands of their loving wives. You are not required to cut their entire quaff, but I suggest you trim their neck burns between barber appointments. If you shy from a wet razor, most electric razors have a trimming features which can be quickly applied to neck hair. Start from the natural neck line and proceed all the way down to the shirt collar.

3. Crisp Shirt Collars
Wrinkled shirts are only appropriate on rugby players. If your husband is under 22 and plays an aggressively European sport for a living, he may be able to fashionably wear a shirt that looks like it was pulled out of the hamper. However, if your husband does not fall into this narrow category, his shirt collar should never slump. Fumbled collars are not well loved, they are sapped of love, weak and vitamin deficient. Crisping can be had at an exceptionally low cost: namely the price of a spray bottle, heavy starch, and a heated iron (click here for more details). The gift of a freshly laundered and ironed ensemble on Sunday morning will ring with your kind considerations. And if that collar still doesn’t stand up straight, add the power of collar stays.

4. Properly Hemmed Pants
The hem of mister’s pants should extend to the break of his insole (right where the heel meets the rest of the shoe). Wavering even a half an inch above or below this sweet spot can be tragic. If you do not wield a sewing machine yourself, a drycleaner or tailor can quickly raise or lower a hem for a small handful of Washingtons.

5. Polished Shoes
Scuffed shoes are neglected shoes. Just as your husband needs to be stroked and caressed, so do his shoes. Sometimes all they need is a soft buffing, but if they have been scuffed, find a proper polish at your local shoe repair shop or nearly any grocery store and apply it to his footwear regularly.

Your gentleman of choice is now detailed from toe to head and back again. Should you like to offer him additional assistance during this weekend’s upcoming celebrations of male leadership, gift him his very own virtual shopping session.