Cleaning Your Closet


2009: A freshy, new year, time for an exceptionally good start. All commendable propensities will be integrated into new life and all bad habits will be properly discarded with grace and ease. Before persuing perfection in the rest of your existence, might I recommend starting with your closet? For “what is your closet but the different personas we have auditioned and discarded? Hanging there in our closets are reminders, both good and bad, of who we are, who we’ve been, and who we’ve hoped to be.” Tim Gunn

Clothes are in fact only a shell, but shells are not entirely worthless. Shells can introduce us, identify us, and protect us. This week we shall focus on our shell storage and how it can be organized and optimized. However, before we can pursue the solution, let us address the problem. Below are some stereotypical closets which require immediate intervention.

The torture chamber: Inside this ambry lies items endowed with the powers of self flagellation and holy glorification. Items are distinguished primarily by size: smallish, mediumish, and largish. If the body is enrobed in smallish clothes with minimal wrestling, the day is deemed good and the wearer is deemed good. Her closet exists to punish and reward her.

The archive: Inside this cold storage lies a rich, tangible history. The frock worn when eyes were first laid on Romeo hangs next to her cheerleader’s glory guise, her wedding ensemble is pressed beside the blouse donned during the debut of her most favorite episode of Gilmore Girls. Her closet is sentimental rather than functional.

The rubbish bin: This rumpled receptacle vomits when opened. In the refuse there may be well-made trousers in need of hemming, scuffed leather boots, a favorite silk shell stained with soy sauce, a cashmere sweater dined on by moths. This closet lacks discipline and sanitation.

The disjointed den: Trends from all different directions exist here. There are many items lying dormant and disturbed, brooding with the irritation of their unremoved price tags. Sometimes this disorder is caused by a simple split personality: work is straight forward and boring, personal life is over the top to make up for the difference. Whatever the cause, this schizophrenic wardrobe is unable to communicate a cohesive outfit.

The repeat: This sideboard encloses one style of twin set in five different colors, the only visible pattern is vertical stripes, and the floor is veiled with a colony of sensible black shoes. This area acts as a mechanical uniform dispenser.

Whether you wardrobe represents one or many of these examples, we will be purging them, psychological dispositions and all. In the end you’ll have a wardrobe you can actually wear.

Still overwhelmed? Reserve a 90 minute one-on-one session to review your entire closet. Items will be evaluated based on color compatibility, fit, flattery, and condition. By the end of the session you will have a wearable wardrobe plus a shopping list for key items to purchase. During this session suggestions will also be made on how to mix and match existing pieces to break away from clothing “uniforms” and get more wear through creative ensemble pairings.

Feed me fashionably fresh
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